Saturday, December 5, 2009
Within or Without
For several years I've been aware of a phenomenon where I feel either "in" a moment or scene or not. The best example I can think of is sometimes I'll be driving through beautiful country, but it doesn't feel like I'm experiencing the view enough by just sitting in a car. I feel as though I need to frolic or stroll through the scene to truly be "in" it. I think it's the "going somewhere" that taints the experience. Going somewhere implies starting and end points and reasons for going between the two. But this feeling isn't exclusive to riding in cars. I can be sitting atop a rock with a meadow stretching before me with nowhere else I need to be, and sometimes that still isn't enough. I think that withdrawn feeling comes from extraneous thoughts about destinations or obligations. I would think that while traveling I would constantly be worried about such things, but to my own surprise, when I thought about this feeling that I know so well, it occurred to me that I haven't had it once on this trip. I think it takes a calm mind to have that "in" feeling, and though it hasn't been apparent to me until now, my mind must be stiller than normal to not have this problem. I'm glad I realized this, but I'm not going to dwell on it anymore, lest it pull me out of something.